Today is a Good Day to Die

What do you say to yourself when you wake up every morning? Sioux leader Crazy Horse was quoted as saying to his warriors - "Today is a good day to die!" - he expected his warriors to live a life full of passion and fighting for the right cause - they will not blink an eyelid in the face of death because they would have lived their life in the fullest possible way for the best possible cause.

In other words, there is no regrets.

It seemed like a paradox - it is only when I am prepared to die then I am prepared to really live. Why is this so? There are three reasons :

1. If I am prepared to die, it means I have figured out my life purpose and the cause I am fighting for. The saying is true - if I have nothing worth dying for, then I have nothing worth living for.
2. If I am prepared to die, it means that I have made peace on a daily basis with people who matter to me and I will be quick to seek forgiveness, get rid of all bitterness to ensure that I walk with a clear conscience.
3. If I am prepared to die, it means that I have been living my life according to truth-based principles which do not waver with the shifting opinions of the majority. I have spent time to figure out what is right from what is wrong and am willing to stand alone for what I believe in.

There you have it - the three "P"s of what it takes for you to look in the mirror every morning and say - "Today is a good day to die". Purpose. Peace. Principle.

Self-Discovery vs Introspection

With the year end approaching, we tend to be more reflective as we take time to unwind and refocus our life for the new season ahead. However, this reflective process can be quite depressing unless we distinguish the difference between the act of self-discovery with the tendency towards introspection.

Introspection is a reflective exercise that looks within ourselves to find the answers. Here's the danger of introspection - I will end up doing what is right in my own eyes. This is due to the fundamental premise that introspection does not include the counsel and advice from others (especially advice I do not like to hear but I know it's true!).

Self-Discovery, on the other hand, is a reflective experience which incorporates the elements of feedback, assessment and validation which is role-focused. Self-Discovery is about finding out how I can be a better husband, father, friend, etc. And the outcome of my reflective process is validated not by my own standards but by the standards of my audience - my wife, my children, my colleagues, etc.

It is important that as we pause during this time of the year to take stock, be careful not to do in isolation of your life roles. Life is measured more by the effectiveness of your roles rather than the measurement of bottom-line results.

Warning Label for Emotions

According to studies by Mayo Clinic, those who experienced more positive emotions lived, on average, about 10 years longer. To put this in perspective, consider that cigarette smoking has been shown to reduce life expectancy by 5.5 years for males and 7 years for females.

Maybe there should be a health warning label for those who are negative and pessimistic about life.

Consider another pioneering research on marriages by John Gottman. 700 recently married couples were interviewed 15 minutes each. Then based on a ratio of 5 to 1 (5 positive remarks to 1 negative remark), they predicted whether each couple would stay together or divorce. Ten years later - the results were stunning - they had predicted divorce with 94% accuracy - based on scoring the couples' interactions for 15 minutes.
So - watch the negativity of your tongue - it could be a better indicator of your quality of life than you think. Think about it - what comes out of your mouth could be more detrimental than what goes into it.

(Source : How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton)

Clarity Above All Else

"Effective leaders don't have to be passionate. They don't have to be charming. They don't have to be brilliant. They don't have to bosses the common touch. They don't have to be great speakers. What they must be is clear." - Marcus Buckingham.

There are four points of clarity :
1. Who do we serve?
2. What is our core strength?
3. What is our core score?
4. What actions can we take today?

Followers are looking for clarity in a complex, complicated and chaotic world. If you are able to be crystal clear in your leadership direction, you are like a beacon of hope for those under your care and authority.

The Five Dangers of Goal-Setting

Now that the year is into full swing - how are you in the goals that you have set? Setting goals is more than just putting your plan on paper - the path of translating your goals from intention to implementation is fraught with five dangers. Discover these dangers and your path to authentic success will be so much the clearer!
Click Here to listen to a 19-minute radio interview on BFM on this all-important personal topic!

The Number One Failure of Managers

All managerial failures can be traced to this ONE root cause. Interested to know the mother-of-all-managerial failures? Click Here to listen to this 16-minute radio interview at BFM89.9 to discover what is the downfall of weak managers and what you can do to overcome this weakness.

Availability & Wisdom

AVAILABILITY is defined as "making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I serve". "The measure of a man is not in the number of his servants but in the number of people whom he serves." (Paul Moody). The interesting thing about success is this - the one who is ready to lead is the one who was first ready to serve. Here's the principle: As you serve, you are developing the right state of character so that when the riches and blessings come, you will not be proud and conceited. Makes sense?

WISDOM is defined as "seeing and responding to life situations from a perspective that transcends my current circumstances." How does one get the big picture of life and learn to respond to challenges (instead of reacting)? It lies in your ability to receive advice and instruction. A middle-eastern proverb says - "Rebuke a wise man and he will be wiser still." How true!

Click here to listen to a 23-minute radio interview on BFM89.9 on the character qualities of AVAILABILITY and WISDOM.

Why Corporate Values Fail

This is the first in a four-part series which I am doing in radio BFM89.9 in their "Raise Your Game" session. The theme is "Stressful Employees in Successful Companies". Many companies have successful brands and heritage but when it comes to day-to-day leadership behavior, there is often a disconnect.
Click Here to listen to the radio interview on "Five Ordinary Reasons Why Corporate Values Fail".
Click Here to download the transcript/special report on this topic. 

Discipline is Communication and Consistency

To discipline someone is to disciple that someone. It is about bringing someone to a way of life that has been proven and tested. Often, the word consequence comes to mind when we talk about the subject of discipline - bringing with it a punitive element. Sure, we may bring the child into compliance through consequence but have we communicated clearly enough so that the child is not left interpreting our instructions to his own convenience? One sign of incomplete communication is - constant nagging. If you find yourself nagging your child regularly, it is time to take stock of your Communication-Consistency-Quotient (CCQ) :

1. I do not need to repeat my instruction. First time obedience is what I get.
2. I do not end my instruction with "OK?". Doing this means I need permission for compliance!
3. I say what I mean. I actually carry out what I said I would do because I am willing to put up with short-term childish displeasure for long-term adult responsibility.
4. I do not believe in reasoning to convince. The child is fundamentally selfish. Action speaks louder.
5. My child pays more attention to me than I to him.

How is your score? If you say "No" to any of the above, then you may be in danger of raising a child-centered family (as opposed to a parent-centered family). Listen to a 2-part interview at BFM on this lively topic. Click here for Part-1 and Click here for Part-2.