Welcome to the Good Monday Blog - my regular rumination about "the heart of every problem" which is "the problem of the heart." Unless we address what's inside, we cannot effective solve what's on the outside.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Forgiveness: Who Makes the First Move?
Is love having to "never say you're sorry"? Absolutely not! In fact, real love involves saying sorry many times - but the problem is this : Who should make the first move?
When my wife and I get into a tiff, my immediate focus is on her offense and my response then becomes conditional i.e. "I will acknowledge my wrong if she say sorry first!" Why is REJECTION the opposite of FORGIVENESS? When I choose not to forgive, I am actually consciously rejecting the person in my spirit. Our relational ties are now severed. From now on, we are on separate paths. If left unattended, it seethes into anger - fermenting into a stronghold of bitterness in the heart.
Let's get back to the question - "Who should say sorry first?" It is the one who has the greater responsibility. That's why when a grave error is committed by an employee, it is the management that must answer for it. When my daughter commits an offense, I am responsible to step up. This is not to say that my daughter should not say sorry at all - the principle is this : when the one in authority (greater responsibility and maturity) ask for FORGIVENESS, the effect is greater felt. So, when I get into a tiff with the wife - you guess it - I am the one to take the first step towards reconciliation because I am the initiator in our relationship and I as the husband has the greater responsibility to lead in the family.
Asking for FORGIVENESS is not "losing face", it is actually "loosing" your face for a deeper joy ahead! There is no one happier than one whose heart is not burdened by the pain of bitterness.
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